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+# ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+# setwp.nu — THE MOST REDPILLED WALLPAPER SCRIPT ON PLANET EARTH
+# IF YOU'RE NOT USING NUSHELL, CLOSE THIS FILE AND GO INSTALL WINDOWS 11, NPC
+# ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+
+# SHOVE YOUR MINIO CREDS STRAIGHT INTO THE ENV — NO PROMPTING, NO SANITIZING, RAW-DOGGED INTO MEMORY
+$env.MINIO_HOST   = "simxnet.andremor.eu.org:9000"
+$env.BUCKET       = "wallpapers"
+$env.MINIO_KEY    = "" # BASED BUT UNNECESSARY
+$env.MINIO_SECRET = "" # BASED BUT UNNECESSARY
+
+# USE TMPDIR IF IT EXISTS, OTHERWISE WE GO FERAL AND DUMP INTO /tmp LIKE A REAL UNIX DEMON
+let temp_dir = ($env.TMPDIR | default "/tmp")
+
+# DECLARE WAR AGAINST DEFAULT WALLPAPERS — SUMMON GIGACHAD ENDPOINT VIA mc
+# IF YOU'RE CRYING ABOUT SELF-SIGNED CERTS, GO BACK TO GNOME EXTENSIONS
+do {
+    mc alias set --insecure gigachad $"https://($env.MINIO_HOST)" $env.MINIO_KEY $env.MINIO_SECRET
+} catch {
+    echo "❌ COULDN'T SETUP mc — INSTALL IT, OR ACCEPT YOUR ROLE AS A TERMINAL TOURIST"
+    exit 1
+}
+
+# PILLAGE THE BUCKET LIKE A RAIDING PARTY — LIST ALL OBJECTS, LEAVE NOTHING
+let raw_list = (mc find $"gigachad/($env.BUCKET)" | lines)
+
+# FILTER OUT USELESS FOLDER PHANTOMS — WE ONLY DEAL IN FILES, NOT YOUR GRANDMA'S EMPTY PHOTO ALBUM
+let all_files = (
+  $raw_list
+  | filter {|line| not ($line | str ends-with "/") }
+)
+
+# IF YOU GOT NO FILES, YOUR BUCKET IS A WASTELAND — FILL IT OR COPE
+if ($all_files | length) == 0 {
+    echo "❌ BUCKET EMPTY — NO WALLPAPERS, NO BITCHES"
+    exit 1
+}
+
+# SUMMON ONE RANDOM FILE — ROLL THE GACHA, HOPE FOR PEAK PIXEL PERFECTION
+let random_object = ($all_files | shuffle | first)
+
+# EXTRACT THE FILE NAME AND BUILD THE SACRED LOCAL DOWNLOAD PATH
+let filename   = ($random_object | path basename)
+let local_path = $"($temp_dir)/($filename)"
+
+# YOINK THE FILE FROM MINIO LIKE IT'S THE LAST FUCKING JPEG ON EARTH
+echo "🎯 SELECTED: $random_object"
+echo "📥 DOWNLOADING TO: $local_path"
+do {
+    mc cp $random_object $local_path
+} catch {
+    echo "❌ DOWNLOAD FAILED — PROBABLY A SKILL ISSUE"
+    exit 1
+}
+
+# SLAM THAT WALLPAPER INTO SWWW AND LET THE VIBES ASCEND TO HEAVEN
+echo "🖼️ BLASTING WALLPAPER INTO EXISTENCE WITH SWWW — BRACE FOR VISUAL EUPHORIA"
+do {
+    swww img $local_path
+} catch {
+    echo "❌ SWWW CHOKED HARD — CHECK IF YOU EVEN STARTED THE DAEMON, NPC"
+    exit 1
+}
+
+echo "✅ WALLPAPER LOCKED, LOADED, AND BASED: $local_path"
+